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All-Staff Memo Concerning Feedback on Latest Game [Tennis]

By Rodney Uhler

2:04 PM EST on December 10, 2025

1885
The earliest proper tennis racquet—christened “Racquet” by 19th-century brand strategists— was made from a hunk of cedar tree, slightly smoothed over so that players would attain no more than a dozen splinters in the course of a set. The strings, designed by a 13-year-old deviant who years later would be hanged for mass murder, were, for some reason, woven from cat gut. It was said that “the cuter the cat, the better the play.”

Dear Valued Employees,

It has come to my attention that there is concern over the new game we plan to unveil at the upcoming 1874 Expo. Please allow me to address and assuage these concerns.